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Cracked

Posted on Thu Nov 12th, 2020 @ 6:50pm by Captain Sadie Stanton & Commander Sarah Deco

Mission: The Trumpets Sound

Sadie had always been efficient when it came to matters of personal style. That was made pretty easy since she didn't really have one. Back to her quarters, out of the uniform and into whatever civilian wear she put her hands on first and then she was back out the door and heading to the mooring dock that leashed the ship to the station. Unfortunately, Sarah wasn't there yet, so she had to wait. Since her promotion, not many people got away with making her wait and her impatient side was okay with that. Sarah was of course an exception.

However, the wait become oddly long.

Finally... "Computer, locate Commander Sarah Deco."

"Commander Sarah Deco is in her quarters."

Since she knew Sarah was hardly the type to spend this long fussing over her appearance either--a trait they shared--Sadie decided to head straight there. She pressed the chime at the door, but she was already sensing that something was...off on the other side. The door was unlocked so she let herself in.

When she saw her friend on the bathroom floor, the bottle and her own half-Betazoid senses kicked in to let her know that the woman wasn't somehow dead but that didn't make her feel much better. She hurried forward. "Sarah? Sarah!"

Somebody was calling her by her name. Right? Or not. Sarah tried peeling open her eyes, but that hurt, so she just kept them closed. She was on a hard surface and yet she felt like she was in the middle of the ocean during a storm. Imagining the waves go up and down and up and down and up and - nauseated, she threw up once again.

Sadie wasn't a medic so this was hardly her usual stuff to deal with, but she stuck near her friend--concerned--while she vomited and resisted those particular empathic sensations. "What the fuck, Sarah?" She knew this wasn't illness, and the empty bottle she'd seen attested to that as well.

Having most of her stomach content out of her stomach and wherever it had landed, made her feel somewhat better at least. Sarah drew in a breathe through her nose since her mouth just had a bad taste. Ignoring the consequences, she finally managed to squint open her eyes to see Sadie next to her.

"Come on," Sadie said, throwing up some mental shields against her tactile empathy as she put her hand on Sarah's arm to help her up. "Get out of here for a bit and let the cleaning system do its work. Sit on the couch or something."

That didn't sound like a very idea to Sarah, but she let herself be guided by the hand on her arm. It took a struggle to keep down the last of her stomach, but she managed. Nevertheless, she was glad when she could finally sag on the couch.

Sadie sat on the couch beside her, perched a little toward the edge since her body felt tense with the adrenaline rush that had accompanied the past several minutes and that was still combating all her new internal inputs. "Want to tell me what's going on now?" she asked, a bit blandly but it was better, she thought, than sounding annoyed.

"Nothing," Sarah mumbled. The alcohol hadn't quite left her system yet, but as she wasn't used to it and had vomited quite a bit, it felt like most of it had come out the wrong way as well. Her words sounded slurry, but hey, Sadie would have to take it.

"It's pretty damned obvious that it wasn't nothing," Sadie returned easily. "There's an empty bottle of liquor on the floor and half your stomach in the bathroom. That doesn't happen from nothing."

Sarah couldn't argue with that, and as such didn't even try. She was silent for a few more long moments until it was obvious that she wasn't going to get away with saying nothing either. "I don't know," she finally tried. It wasn't the best answer anyone could give, but it was the best she could come up with right then.

Sadie sighed and looked around the room. "I should take you to sickbay, y'know. You could have alcohol poisoning." Although it didn't seem likely, perhaps, from just the one bottle? Then again, with synthehol, it wasn't like this was a common occurrence, but Sadie had been around enough folks who preferred the real thing (herself included) to know it was possible.

"If I had alcohol poisoning, I wouldn't be talking to you right now," Sarah replied, in an odd mix of a soft voice because that's all she managed, but yet with as much force as she could muster to not have to go to Sickbay.

Her friend just grunted, although she did grant the premise. That didn't mean she was happy. "Well, I still need more to go on as to why you came back here and downed a bottle of whatever when we were already planning to go to the station and have a drink. Admittedly, an entire bottle had not necessarily been part of my plan..."

Sarah finally took a moment to look up and around.. and saw that spacedock out in space again. For any empath, real or fake or half or full, the feelings that spiked through her mind would be hard to miss. Looking away again, she wondered why she was having this particular reaction at this particular time. She was painfully aware that she wasn't exactly forthcoming with words, but oh well, her company would have to deal with it.

Naturally, Sadie didn't miss it...but sensing a thing didn't mean that she necessarily understood what she sensed. She just knew it was there. "I'll just sit here then until you figure it out," she declared, leaning back against the couch with her hands folded over her stomach.

Not having much inclination to figure it out, Sarah pulled up her legs underneath her and leaned back even further into the couch. She was perfectly happy to sit in silence. She couldn't explain what had happened, or what she was feeling right then, so she wasn't about to try.

Sadie wasn't entirely a patient person? She had gotten better about it as time had passed, and especially since she had moved into command and out of security, but it still wasn't precisely a core factor in her character. And she knew that Sarah seemed perfectly content to just...wait.

Grunting, she got to her feet and went to the replicator. "Raktajino," she ordered. This felt like it was gonna be a long night.

Sarah's eyes followed Sadie's movements. Her head was clearing up somewhat, the fog slowly receding. That, of course, meant that the headache was setting in, but she didn't care. The moment she felt Sadie's eyes turn towards hers, she made sure to quickly stare at the floor again.

Returning to the couch, Sadie sat down again and waited, sipped her drink, waited a few more moments and then finally spoke again. "We are going to need to talk and figure out what happened. I would like to know why my friend seemingly had a moment of cracking."

Even though she could think of a few reasons, Sarah had no desire to offer them. She had no desire to speak them outloud and lose her friend over it. She was upset that her friend been promoted? That she'd been ahead in the order of things all that time? That she'd been made Captain and CO while she herself had been left behind? That she felt utterly useless? That she didn't think anyone would miss her if she was gone? That this spacedock and the long time they'd been sitting here, had been the embodiment of all that? She hadn't had anything to do in all the time they'd been here. She'd felt more and more like she'd faded into non existance.

"I wanted to get a head start with our drinks and I got carried away," she offered instead.

Sadie didn't believe that, or only that at least, but for the moment... "Are you doing this a lot these days?"

"Having a drink with you? No, can't say I do."

"Not what I meant to ask, but apparently a thing," Sadie drawled, sensing...something. Snark? Curtness?

It was as close to the truth as Sarah had dared venturing thus far. "What do you want to hear? That I drink every night until I pass out?" she snapped, instantly regretting it. Even more because it wasn't true. It was the first time she'd done it.

Sadie looked at Sarah and narrowed her steel-blue eyes. "I'd like to hear the truth."

Sarah sighed and sat up a bit more straight. "I don't know if I have a truth to give you. I'll be fine."

Another grunt, since that was just something she did a lot. Too much a carryover from her path up. "There's always a truth. I suppose it's not always easy to see."

Some resistance broke inside Sarah. She couldn't identify it, but she could clearly feel it. That didn't mean she now knew what to say, but she wasn't as reluctant as a moment before. "I guess.." she paused, sighing - mostly to herself. "I feel left behind."

Sadie thought about that for a moment before the (possible, at least) realization dawned. "Because the promotion?"

That sounded bad. And selfish. Sarah's gut cringed at the thought and she almost had to throw up again. She wanted to deny it. But could she really? If she didn't want to lie, could she deny it? No, she couldn't. "I'm really happy for you," she replied instead.

"I've been told that feelings aren't always mutually exclusive," she commented, half-sounding like she was talking to herself as she sipped her raktajino and then leaned her head against the back of the couch. "You can feel good and bad about something at the same time."

The darker thoughts and feelings within Sarah were stirring. She was pretty sure those had surfaced earlier, that those had caused her crack--as Sadie had put it. But she didn't want to admit them. Nobody had to know about them. Nobody could know about them. She'd just go back to ignoring them. After all, she'd already ignored them for so long. "I guess we shouldn't go out for that drink anymore."

Sadie's brows arched and she sighed. "I think you've already had enough for the both of us."

"I'm sorry to ruin the evening," Sarah spoke, pushing herself into a real sitting position. She didn't feel half as brave or good as the front she was putting up, quite the contrary. The dark clouds were gathering again, and she really wanted to be left alone so she could give into them.

"Shit happens," she said matter-of-factly. She felt the...push from Sarah, but she felt herself push back because she didn't know if her friend should be left alone again.

Sarah looked over at Sadie, probably for the first time since the other woman had found her. "I'll be fine. I just need some sleep."

Sadie shifted her head to look back. "Are you actually going to go to sleep if I leave?"

Lie? Truth? Ignore? "I've got a headache, I need sleep." Lie.

"You're giving me a headache," Sadie grumbled. "You know I can tell when you're lying."

"Then what the hell do you want me to say?" Sarah shouted, her own voice piercing her headache and she actually winced. She jumped to her feet, looked frantically around for something, anything to do, saw the empty bottle still on the bathroom floor and headed over. Considering her options, she showed considerable self restraint by only picking it up and tossing it so hard onto the replicator platform that it shattered. "Damnit," she cursed, picking up a shard - cutting her hand in the process but not noticing it - and hitting the recycle button.

Sadie, unfazed by shouting, just watched Sarah move. "I just don't want you to do anything else stupid if I leave," she drawled.

Sarah was fuming, but if asked, she wouldn't be able to tell why. It was just.. what it was. "So what? You want me to do it while you're watching?!"

"You could also, y'know, not do something stupid after I go," Sadie said, arching one brow. It wasn't like Sarah to be this...vocal with her feelings, she knew, but perhaps that was the result of the liquor. "I know how you feel about visiting the counseling offices and I don't want to have to bring you down there."

"Wait? What?" Sarah paused enough in her pacing to lean her hands on the couch. "You're threatening this now? Is that really the best you can do? I get drunk and you threaten with counselors? Why? Because you're the almighty CO now? Because I got drunk without you? What the fuck are you up to?!"

In her life, she'd probably never shown anger as much as this. They'd seen tough missions and been through bad shit, but anger had never been her way of dealing with things.

Sadie resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but she dropped them for a moment and noticed the bits of red. She pursed her lips, stifling responding to the anger to instead say, "You're bleeding."

Sarah also looked down to her hands, and only now saw the cut which was apparently pretty deep because there was quite a bit of blood. She got mesmerized by the drops as it dripped, dripped, started to flow, flow a bit more, and more onto the couch and the floor. It was fascinating to watch, only--"What the hell are you still doing here?!" she suddenly spat.

"I'm still your friend," Sadie said flatly, getting up and walking to the replicator. She tapped a few buttons instead of speaking a verbal command, listening to the soft hum of materialization. "Even if, apparently, you hate me now." This was said without looking away from the replicator window.

Did she hate her? Yes! Did she really? Fucking yes! Did she really, really hate her best friend? Y..no? Sarah clenched her jaw together as she didn't know what to say to that. Hating Sadie sounded pretty good right then.

Sadie turned away from the replicator and toward Sarah. In one hand, she held a rolled-up fabric-something and she held out the other. "Give me your damned hand," she said in a low but expectant voice.

"No," Sarah replied, her voice had lowered to the other extreme of barely audible in the blink of an eye. She eyed her hand that Sadie wanted to tend to, and curled it up into a tight fist, making the cut bleed and hurt even more. Sadie didn't want to tend to it. She wanted to be able to get close and hurt her even more. No. She wasn't going to let that happen.

"So, you'd rather just bleed all over the carpet?" Sadie asked dryly.

Ignoring the question, Sarah turned her back to her friend and walked the short distance over to the viewport. She chose the viewport where nothing but the spacedock was visible. The cursed spacedock. Her hand was still curling and uncurling, to keep the blood flowing. Deep down, she started to wonder what the hell she was doing. She wasn't ready yet to admit that much though. "Leave me alone," she simply repeated the earlier sentiment.

Was it her own feelings? Or was Sadie starting to feel Sarah's feelings? Sometimes, the empath thing sucked ass. "Fine," she finally said with the eye-roll she'd previously held back. "If you wanna sulk, sulk. Come see me when you decide you want to talk like a civilized person again." She dropped the bandage to the carpet and turned to go. At the door, she turned her head over her shoulder. "Just hungover or not, your ass better be back on duty tomorrow." The door swished open and she started out.

Sarah didn't turn back to watch Sadie leave. As soon as the door had closed, she headed over to the replicator and got herself another bottle.

 

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